Beachcomber

Beachcomber

Postby jerry » Fri May 04, 2007 1:40 am

Writing as 'Beachcomber', J.B.Morton brought delight to readers of the Daily Express for fifty years with his surreal humour. He was also a great walker, and one trip took him across the Cheviots. He describes his arrival in Hexham:

'The rain was pelting down from a hopeless sky when I sprang, with a snarl, out of the carriage and advanced through the cringing crowd.
When the chief citizens had been summoned to the market-place, I addressed a few well-chosen words to them. 'There is one thing your town lacks,' said I,' and that is some kind of statue to me. If I were you I should start a subscription at once.'

'But what have you done for us,' inquired a prominent shopkeeper,' that we should so honour you?'

'It is enough,' I replied, 'that I have paid a visit to your town.'

In Hexham, he noted that the women all walk sideways, and obliges us with a verse or two about the deficiencies of the Roman Wall:

When Hadrian built the Roman Wall
To keep the horrid Scots away,
He didn't build it long enough
Or high enough or strong enough,
And look at us today!
jerry
 
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